I the IT guy

Hello brothers. As I write almost 700 million people work in the same industry as me, and from my statistics at least 66% of them are male (counted by sex not by sexual orientation); hence the figure comes out to be ~462 million, that is the number of brothers I have even though many of them will be as old as my uncles, but we shared, share and will be sharing some incidents, thoughts, and accidents, which are as universal as GMT. I attempt to write the plight in this manner:

I the IT guy,

I got selected into a company from a campus drive, so many were picked that the leftovers were the real privileged ones.

I the IT guy,

I always hoped and wished secretly that I will get my training at my preferable location as my seniors, but my wishes were declined as part of some heavenly conspiracy. Yet I booked my flight tickets with a zeal that can rarely be matched.

I the IT guy,

I always aspired for those cool cubicles, state of the art machinery, and cute coffee machines, but I got state of a fart (public toilet like) cubicles, cute machinery (inefficient), and cool coffee machines (so cool that they worked as per their wishes).

I the IT guy,

I the IT guy who could never get through a single chapter before the exam is lurking around the corner, was fed with so much of Java, SQL, and C++ during the training phase that I will be sick with the programming constipation throughout my life for sure and may be afterwards.

I the IT guy,

I again hoped against the hope that after training I will be allocated to the location of my choice, but I came face to face with the real world, when I was forced to land in a city where I could not understand a word.

I the IT guy,

I recollected my shattered spirit, and once again yearned for a project where I can show my real self; but I was forcefully included in the largest team called bench. Till date, I never understood why it is called bench, because during my tenure with it, I sometimes didn’t even find a empty stair to sit upon in the office, forget about a bench.

I the IT guy,

I got a project, as I had lost all my will to work by now; I was bound to be in a project of great importance to the company, yes IT companies have their own sense of “sense of humor”.

I the IT guy,

I joined my project. As usual against my wishes I got a production support project, night shift, seat next to the project manager (PM), no girl in the project, even no girl in the 20 yard radius from my seat, no cab facility, and no night shift allowance. I still thank that all night canteen which was more than 4 KM away from my office, but with all its unhygienic food it saved my life.

I the IT guy,

I sustained so many knowledge transfer sessions, that at a point in time I could not not spell my name. Every facilitator was a performer of the highest degree, destiny’s chosen child to enlighten the lowly souls, as per his/her thoughts. I was the mere mortal who was destined to die once, but died again and again in the holy name of KT.

I the IT guy,

I pushed myself beyond limits every time but always skipped the deadline. One day I understood the real meaning of deadline, which is “only dead can reach this line”.

I the IT guy,

I listened to a strange word one day, onsite. At first the very sensation of this word was delightful, I remember those goosebumps. The word became a paranoia, a thing like ghosts; everybody talks of them but nobody has seen them.

I the IT guy,

I received my goal sheet one day and I was bewildered. The things I am paid for are not my goals, and my goals are things which can do no profit to anybody. Still for the sake of a rating I did those certifications with the help of dumps, I copied those attributes from others, and I highly rated myself in every goal. The appraiser evaluation was the negation of all the aspirations.

I the IT guy,

I work hard, but I only expect a B band as best case scenario. It is nothing like that I am skeptical of my abilities, it is only that I am afraid of the side effects of a A. I always get a C, and the hike associated with this C, contradicts with the literal meaning of word hike.

I the IT guy,

I put more overtime hours than regular hours just for a rating of 4, I got 3 same as the other dude who used to come late and go early.

I the IT guy,

I was never good with girls, and strangely I liked all the girls as beggars don’t choose. I could never muster enough courage to go and propose one of them. If I would have, deep down I know they were too smart to marry a fellow IT human being. They had their targets in managers, doctors, MBAs, plumbers, electricians, rickshaw-pullers, i.e. anyone but IT guys.

I the IT guy,

I became synonym of donkey, dog, pig, horse with time. Maybe this was the example of multitasking which I never understood during my college days.

I the IT guy,

I saw several representatives of credit card companies giving lucrative, offers outside my office. I was annoyed with them, so I decided to tell them that they were standing outside an IT company, and the very next day came with a sigh of relief. They even took their pamphlets from the wall with them.

I the IT guy,

I was not feeling good one day so I tried to go home by nine o’clock, I got an excellent remark from my lead which I still treasure, “come on man, you are an engineer, you guys finished whole Lord Of The Rings(LOTR)  series in one night, now you could not stay back for one more hour.” That one hour my friends was larger than all the seasons of “Big Bang Theory” combined.

I the IT guy,

I can talk about anything and everything with anyone and everyone, but I always avoid the word salary in my conversations. It is my darkest secret, and I don’t want it to see the light of a day.

I the IT guy,

I smoke, I drink, I struggle, I die.

I the IT guy,

I never had a choice.

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